So you drew the short straw, huh? You have to drive everybody home at the end of the night. This means you can't have any alcohol whatsoever. So while your friends are getting hammered, you are over in the corner sulking because you can't have any fun. Stop that. You are being a party pooper and nobody likes a party pooper. I've devised a set of actions to do so that you aren't a complete bummer when you are designated driver, or DD as you responsible adults are more commonly called.
● Don't order water.
For the love of God, you are out with your friends. When you order water, it's basically telling the world, "I'm literally here just to drive these drunken people home." Have some fun. Order a diet soda. Or if you're feeling extra dangerous, order a regular soda. Drink those calories. You deserve them, DD.
● Pick the right music.
As DD, you are probably all bummed out so you'll be playing Michael Buble's 'Home' on the drive to the bar. Turn that off. Now is not the time for Buble. Now is the time for dubstep and rap and all that other crazy music you can only listen to on a Friday night without any judgment. Once the beat drops, you'll have a better time. Trust me.
● Have a texting partner.
If you must disengage from the company of your fellow intoxicated peers, have a texting partner you know will be available for a chat. For me, this is my best friend. I can complain about how much I can't drink and she will make me laugh. Simple as that. If you need to, talk trash about how drunk your friends are. You know they talk about you when you are hammered. So it's okay.
● Engage in conversation.
I know. It's incredibly difficult to have an actual conversation with a drunk person. They're over there talking gibberish while you're like, "So what are your thoughts on ObamaCare?" Stop being so serious. Talk with your friends. And then tomorrow, rehash their embarrassing moments to the rest of your friends. You can do that. It's in the rights of a DD.
● Order a round of shots. The gross kind.
This is the perks of being a DD. You can order those disgusting shots like a 'flaming Dr. Pepper' or a 'three wise men' and do an evil laugh while your friends take these shots like champs. You don't have to partake in disgusting shot time. You are DD.
● The night won't last forever. Stop checking your watch.
The bars close at 2. Stop checking your watch. Your friends are having a good time. Let them do their thing. Rest assured that the night will end soon and you can be back in your bed in no time. The best part? Each one of your friends will have the worst hangover thanks to those shots you ordered. But you? You will have a wonderful Saturday morning free of headaches and hangovers.